Episode 89
Why High Achievers Are Surprisingly Bad at Delegating, And What to Do About It
Actually Talking Series
If you’re the person everyone counts on, delegation probably feels harder than it should.
Not because you don’t know it matters, but because doing it yourself often feels faster, easier, and less risky.
And in the short term, that’s usually true.
High achievers are often the most competent people in the room. They’ve built their lives and careers on being dependable, efficient, and capable. But those same strengths can create a hidden problem: they become the default person for everything.
At work, at home, in relationships.
Over time, that doesn’t just create overwhelm. It creates resentment.
The tricky part is that many people think they’re delegating when they’re actually micromanaging. They hand something off, but stay involved every step of the way—correcting, hovering, or redoing parts of it. And even when it’s well-intended, that sends a message: I don’t trust you to handle this.
That message matters.
It affects partners, kids, coworkers, and teams. People are far less likely to step up when they feel like there’s no room to do it their way.
Real delegation requires something harder than handing off a task: it requires letting go of control.
Before you delegate, ask yourself a few simple questions:
Does this actually need to be done by me?
Does this need to be excellent, or just done?
Am I okay with someone doing this differently than I would?
Those questions can reveal a lot.
One exercise I use with couples is having them list out every household task—from scheduling appointments to meal planning to school paperwork. Almost every time, there’s a moment of realization: one person is carrying far more invisible labor than either of them fully understood.
That’s often where the resentment lives.
Delegation isn’t about lowering your standards. It’s about being honest about where your energy is best spent.
Because perfection is expensive.
And if you spend all your time making sure everything is done your way, you may not have much left for the things that matter most.
At its core, delegation is about trust—trusting other people to contribute, grow, and carry part of the load.
For high achievers, that can be uncomfortable.
But it may also be one of the most important skills for building a life that feels sustainable, connected, and less exhausting.
If you’re feeling stretched too thin, start by asking: What am I holding onto that doesn’t have to be mine anymore?
That question can change a lot.
Want help getting clearer on what actually deserves your time and energy? Take the free Prior 10 Assessment. It’s a simple place to start.
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The information contained and documents referenced in the podcast “Your Priority Centered Life” are for entertainment, educational and informational purposes only, and are not intended as, and shall not be understood or construed as, professional medical or health treatment, diagnosis, or advice. We strongly encourage listeners to consult with medical providers or qualified mental health providers with issues and questions regarding any physical and/or mental health symptoms or concerns that they may have. Furthermore, the opinions and views expressed by podcast guests, partners and/or affiliates are not necessarily those of the podcast host. Dr. Alise Murray’s opinions and views are expressed in her individual capacity and are not to be construed as those of any of her podcast guests, partners and/or affiliates.