Episode 90
Is What You're Calling Ambition Actually Avoidance? A Conversation with Kenyada Meadows
Have you ever come home after an exhausting day at work, looked around at your family, and realized you were physically present but mentally somewhere else?
Your laptop is closed, but your mind is still replaying the meeting that didn't go well. You're answering questions with half your attention because you're already thinking about tomorrow's deadlines. Someone asks how your day was, and all you can think is, I just need ten minutes to decompress.
For many high achievers, this doesn't happen once in a while. It quietly becomes the norm.
Recently, I had the pleasure of sitting down with executive coach and author Kenyada Meadows on Your Priority Centered Life. After more than 25 years in Wall Street risk and compliance, Kenyada has spent the second half of his career helping leaders redefine what success actually looks like. During our conversation, he posed a question that I think every ambitious professional needs to consider:
Is what you're calling ambition actually avoidance?
It's a deceptively simple question, but it gets to the heart of why so many successful people find themselves burned out despite achieving everything they once believed would make them happy.
Burnout Doesn't Surprise Us—Even When It Feels Like It Does
People often describe burnout as though it came out of nowhere.
One day they were managing everything just fine, and the next they simply couldn't get out of bed, concentrate at work, or summon the energy to care anymore.
But burnout rarely works that way.
As Kenyada pointed out during our conversation, the collapse may feel sudden, but the trade-offs leading to it almost never are. We usually know, at least on some level, that we're sacrificing something important. We know we're sleeping less. We know we've skipped another workout. We know we're telling our children, "Just give me five more minutes," for the third evening in a row.
The problem isn't a lack of information.
The problem is that high achievers become remarkably good at normalizing discomfort.
As a psychologist, I've seen this pattern countless times. People convince themselves that the exhaustion is temporary. They'll slow down after this project. After this promotion. After the kids are older. After the next quarter.
Except there is always another milestone waiting.
If we aren't intentional, "temporary" has a way of becoming our lifestyle.
Your Body Has Been Trying to Tell You Something
One of the things I appreciated most about Kenyada's perspective is that he doesn't separate physical health from emotional wellbeing.
When we're drifting toward burnout, our bodies often recognize it before our minds do.
You might notice that you're relying on more caffeine than you used to. Maybe your patience is shorter than normal, or you find yourself waking up tired despite getting enough sleep. Your blood pressure has crept upward, your workouts have become inconsistent, or you've started dreading the end of a vacation because returning to work feels overwhelming rather than energizing.
None of these experiences automatically mean you're burned out.
Together, however, they tell a story.
Imagine driving your car while ignoring every warning light on the dashboard. You wouldn't expect the engine to continue running indefinitely. Yet many of us expect exactly that from ourselves. We continue pushing forward because we've become accustomed to functioning while depleted.
The irony is that the very qualities that helped us succeed—our determination, resilience, and willingness to work hard—can become liabilities when they're no longer balanced with rest, perspective, and healthy boundaries.
Every Opportunity Comes With a Trade-Off
One of the most refreshing parts of our conversation was that Kenyada never argued against ambition.
Ambition isn't the problem.
Meaningful work isn't the problem.
Wanting to grow professionally certainly isn't the problem.
The issue is forgetting that every opportunity carries a cost.
Early in your career, working eighty-hour weeks may genuinely make sense. You're learning, developing your skills, and opening doors that weren't previously available. The investment often matches the season of life you're in.
But life changes.
The responsibilities that once felt exciting begin competing with other priorities. You may become a parent. Your own parents may begin needing your support. Your health may require more attention than it did in your twenties. The definition of success that served you ten years ago may no longer fit the life you're trying to build today.
Many people never stop to reevaluate that definition.
Instead, they continue pursuing yesterday's version of success while wondering why today's life feels increasingly unsatisfying.
When Ambition Becomes Avoidance
This is where Kenyada's question becomes so powerful.
Is it ambition—or is it avoidance?
Sometimes working harder is genuinely about pursuing meaningful goals.
Other times, staying busy allows us to avoid uncomfortable conversations, difficult emotions, or decisions we've been postponing.
It can be easier to answer another email than to acknowledge that your marriage feels disconnected.
It can be easier to volunteer for another project than to admit you're exhausted.
It can even be easier to chase another promotion than to ask yourself whether you actually enjoy the life you've built.
Kenyada suggested asking two simple questions whenever you feel compelled to do more:
Who is asking me to do this?
Why am I saying yes?
Those questions sound straightforward, but they reveal an enormous amount.
People can genuinely appreciate you without prioritizing your wellbeing. A supervisor may value your reliability. Clients may love your responsiveness. Friends and family may come to depend on your willingness to help.
That doesn't make anyone malicious.
It simply means their priorities aren't automatically your priorities.
Learning to distinguish between the two is one of the healthiest skills any leader can develop.
The Hidden Cost of Being Everyone's Go-To Person
Many of us wear reliability like a badge of honor.
We're proud to be the person others can count on.
Until one day we realize that everyone can count on us except ourselves.
High achievers often receive positive reinforcement for saying yes. Every extra project earns praise. Every weekend email demonstrates commitment. Every problem solved reinforces the identity of being indispensable.
Eventually, however, that identity becomes difficult to put down.
I've worked with countless professionals who felt guilty taking a vacation, guilty leaving work on time, and guilty declining requests that were completely unreasonable. Somewhere along the way, they had begun measuring their worth by how available they were to everyone else.
If that sounds familiar, it may be worth asking yourself another question:
What am I getting from always being needed?
Sometimes the answer is approval.
Sometimes it's security.
Sometimes it's the reassurance that we're valuable because of what we do rather than who we are.
Those answers aren't reasons for shame. They're invitations to greater self-awareness.
Boundaries Don't Push People Away
One of the biggest fears people express when we talk about boundaries is that they'll damage their careers or disappoint the people they love.
Interestingly, Kenyada has observed the opposite.
He shared the example of President Jimmy Carter protecting family dinner during his presidency. Even while navigating global crises, Carter made it clear that family dinner was protected time. Unless there was a genuine emergency, it could wait.
That's a remarkable example because it challenges the story many of us tell ourselves—that our circumstances are simply too important to allow boundaries.
The reality is that healthy boundaries don't communicate selfishness.
They communicate clarity.
When people consistently know what matters to you, they often respect those priorities far more than we expect. Unclear boundaries create confusion. Thoughtful boundaries create trust.
Of course, boundaries don't mean refusing every request. They often sound like, "I can't do that today, but I could help tomorrow," or, "I'm unavailable this evening, but here's another option."
Healthy boundaries aren't walls.
They're clear expectations that allow relationships to function well over the long term.
Stop Chasing Perfection
Toward the end of our conversation, Kenyada shared an idea that I suspect will resonate with many readers.
He described what he calls a "pass-fail" approach to work.
Think about how long it takes to move a project from zero to eighty percent complete. Now compare that with the time required to push it from eighty percent to ninety-eight percent.
For many tasks, that final stretch consumes a disproportionate amount of energy while producing very little additional value.
Perfectionism often disguises itself as professionalism.
But they're not the same thing.
Sometimes polishing one more presentation slide costs you the evening walk with your spouse.
Sometimes rewriting the email for the fifth time means missing bedtime with your children.
Sometimes the pursuit of excellence quietly steals the very life you're working so hard to support.
The goal isn't lower standards.
The goal is knowing when additional effort no longer serves what matters most.
A Better Way to Measure Success
As our conversation came to a close, I found myself thinking about a story another mother once shared with me.
Her preschool daughter had completed a Mother's Day activity at school. One of the questions asked, "What does your mommy love to do?"
Her daughter's answer was simple.
"Work."
The mother laughed when she told the story, but underneath the humor was grief. She realized she had been modeling something she never intended to teach—that adulthood is primarily about working, achieving, and staying busy.
That story has stayed with me because it reminds us that our lives communicate our values long before we ever talk about them.
Our children notice.
Our partners notice.
Perhaps most importantly, we notice.
If success consistently costs us our health, our relationships, or our peace of mind, then it's worth asking whether we've been measuring the wrong things all along.
A Small Step You Can Take This Week
If you're feeling overwhelmed, don't start by trying to redesign your entire life.
Instead, spend fifteen quiet minutes with a notebook.
Write down everything currently demanding your attention. Then ask yourself which responsibilities truly belong in each of these categories:
Keep: These align with my priorities and genuinely need my attention.
Delegate: Someone else could do these, or I could teach someone else how.
Delay: Important, but not urgent.
Delete: These don't actually need to happen, or I've been carrying them out of habit rather than necessity.
Most people discover they're carrying far more than anyone ever asked them to carry.
That realization alone can be incredibly freeing.
Final Thoughts
Ambition is a wonderful thing.
It pushes us to learn, grow, contribute, and create meaningful work in the world.
But ambition works best when it serves our values rather than replacing them.
Burnout rarely begins with one catastrophic decision. More often, it's built through hundreds of small moments when we ignore what our bodies are telling us, postpone conversations we need to have, or continue saying yes long after our capacity has been exceeded.
If there's one takeaway from my conversation with Kenyada Meadows, it's this: success is most sustainable when it includes your wellbeing, not when it comes at the expense of it.
If today's article prompted you to think differently about your own priorities, I'd encourage you to take the free Prior 10 Assessment at Prior10.com. It's designed to help you identify where your time and energy are most out of alignment so you can begin making intentional changes.
And if you'd like to hear the full conversation with Kenyada, listen to Episode 90 of Your Priority Centered Life. I think you'll walk away asking yourself a few important questions—and perhaps answering them differently than you would have a year ago.
👉 Resources
Find Kenyada Meadows: executiveparent.com | The New Alpha | The Passenger Seat | The Executive Dad podcast
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The information contained and documents referenced in the podcast “Your Priority Centered Life” are for entertainment, educational and informational purposes only, and are not intended as, and shall not be understood or construed as, professional medical or health treatment, diagnosis, or advice. We strongly encourage listeners to consult with medical providers or qualified mental health providers with issues and questions regarding any physical and/or mental health symptoms or concerns that they may have. Furthermore, the opinions and views expressed by podcast guests, partners and/or affiliates are not necessarily those of the podcast host. Dr. Alise Murray’s opinions and views are expressed in her individual capacity and are not to be construed as those of any of her podcast guests, partners and/or affiliates.